Moving For Love? 3 Questions To Ask Yourself

Are you considering moving for love? Here are three questions to ask yourself, along with unsolicited advice — from me having done so and failing miserably. It depends on what you consider as failures, of course.

Is love the only reason you are moving abroad?

I know love is all we are supposed to need. Wrong. As much as society wired us to romanticize love, it takes more than just feelings to make this bold move. You want to ask these questions:

• Do you have reasons to move that are separate from your partner? 
• Can you picture yourself being happy in the new city? 
• Do you have enough money in your bank account to finance your move?

Every relationship is unique, and only you know what is best for you. Moving abroad for love requires a strong foundation in your relationship. You both should have discussed how the future looks like and what the living arrangement will be. Can you both find a job in the same city? Will you live together? Is your relationship rocky or solid?

My advice is, don’t do it if your answer is mostly “I don’t know” or if you are considering moving because you are scared of potentially having a long-distance relationship. If you are relocating to fix your already rocky relationship by moving away together, do so with caution.

Having moved for love myself and ‘failed’ (see my previous post), I can tell it’s not easy, especially if you are moving to a city where you don’t speak the language, you have no one you know, and you are alone. Managing your expectation is paramount, and having your reasons separate from your partner is strongly recommended. Life doesn’t always work as planned. Scratch that — things rarely go according to plan.

Will your partner do the same for you?

Now, reverse the situation. It’s you who need to move back to your home country, or your job requires you to relocate to another city, continent, remote island. Is your partner willing to put in the same effort as you would have? Will your partner jump through hoops, paperwork, learn a new language to be with you? Bottom line, will your partner make the same sacrifice or at least equivalent to what you would have done.

Do you have plans in case things don’t work out?

Imagine if things don’t work out between the two of you. What will you do? It is why I strongly recommend you to have reasons for moving that are separate from your partner. If you have motivation such as furthering your career or education, trying out living in a new continent, or pursuing the lifestyle you have dreamed of in a foreign land, go ahead by all means.
If things go south, you will remember that you’re doing this for yourself, which makes all the difference in the world.

In the end, do what makes you happy and make sure you won’t have any regrets. I’m all for moving for the love of your life, giving 110 percent for your relationship. Who wants to live with asking what if for the rest of their life? However, you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. Take off the rose-colored glasses before deciding to move for love, and you will be fine.

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